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We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Welcome to the Industry

by The Fiery Joker

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about

This is a parody of "Welcome to the Internet" by Bo Burnham made for my Top Ten 2021 Fails video.

lyrics

Welcome to the industry, come and tag along.
When you think it can’t get worse we always prove you wrong.
We've got hundreds of fails; some harmless, some not.
And digging deeper always makes it worse than you thought~

Welcome to the industry, sit and grab a snack.
Would you like to see big companies get all their data hacked?
Wrong region? Well too bad. Want early access? Haha, well,
You’re paying 60 bucks for their beta test!

Welcome to the industry, here it really rocks!
Gambling’s legal when you play on Twitch or call it a loot box!
Surprises! Fun Presents! Are some of its names!
Your kids put you in debt and it’s not to blame!

Welcome to the industry, charming and macabre!
Where developers are overworked and then they lose their jobs,
We got scalpers and scammers, and big exposés,
And a bunch of Reddit users who screwed over Wall Street by buying a bunch of GameStop stocks

Welcome to the industry, here it’s pretty sweet,
All the triple-a big-budget games releasing incomplete,
Whether software or hardware they enter the fray,
Then cancel all their projects, throwing millions away!

Online distribution execution up in smoke,
Simultaneously the companies are bigoted and woke!
Where the shooters all are looters, and the promised features neutered,
Crappy ports for your computer! Fake Reviewers! Shaky rumors!

We’re eternal with the journalists who tell you that YOU'RE BAD!
Condemning games they’ve never played and gaming skills so sad,
Normal mode too difficult? Pay so you can win!
Filling all your games with different microtransactions!

Could I interest you in everything, ‘Cept for a game?
We're selling bits of everything, but not a game.
Circuses of services are what this place became!
Trying to be everything, just not a game.

Pay a buck to roll something? Part of the game!
A little chance of anything, enjoy the game!
Dummies give us money, so we’ll always stay the same
Anything and everything comes with your game.

You know, it wasn't always like this

Not very long ago, before Zoomers arrived
When renting and lending reigned, before Xbox Live:
Just expansion packs, silly hacks, a "Let’s Play" or two.

Turned off the lights and spent our nights playing
With you, you, especially you
I guess things now aren’t all that bad
We disproved the snobs; what was once a hobby,
it can now be a job.

Ad revenue, oh

Thanks to you, you, you supporting and rewarding
We have VR, we’ve come so far, honey, if you knew
How we thought games could never do the things they now do!
It was always our quest to experience the best...

Have some angry online posturing surround all games.
Activists hollering “Don’t play this game!”
Members in the embers of a war’s forever flame,
Aiming to do anything but play the game

Influential money from Beijing changes your game
A tiny flaw in programming? Can’t play the game
Nervous you deserve this? Well, we all must share the blame!
Caring about everything
And anything and everything
And anything and everything
Except for the game

credits

released December 13, 2023

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The Fiery Joker Columbia, Maryland

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